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I Got My Birth Control Prescription Online (& Didn’t Die)

First off: Physically going to the doctor is rad. I generally recommend it. I even tried to do that myself when my periods got unmanageable, but I accidentally went to one of those bullshit super Catholic doctors that doesn’t believe in birth control. That’s a different post.

So, having met my monthly emotional quota for dealing with doctors, I did an online search to see if anyone was competing with PRJKT RUBY. I was hoping someone could magically bill my health insurance.

Enter Nurx.

I had my choice of basically every kind of hormonal birth control. I didn’t have a copay. All I had to do was text them a picture of my blood pressure reading and fill out a health questionnaire. Now they mail me a box of patches every month.

I love the internet.

They have some affordable generics if you don’t have health insurance. If you’re looking for a discount, I have a promo code: IVY-74G2. I think having to use promo codes for health care is disgusting, but you get your $20 if you need it.

Bedsider has a good list of online birth control prescribers if Nurx isn’t available in your state yet.

Welcome to the future!

ipsy, makeup, reviews, skin care

August 2017 Ipsy Bag

This is my second month of Ipsy. I’m already wondering what I’m going to do with all of these bags.
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I don’t have the personality for this one. Grumpy or get out.

What’s in my bag

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Here’s all of it on my face. At 6 am.

AURORA Pro Cover Up Concealer in Pale Ecru
Swatching this for you because the swatches on the website are waaaay off. I think they’re trying to show that it isn’t orange, but it is also not that terrible greige color.

Pros: Creamy! Decent coverage. Blends easily.
Cons: I rubbed that swatch after it dried and the whole thing peeled off my wrist. Not full coverage, even if you layer it on.

Purchase or pass: I’m on the fence. I also currently have enough concealer to outlast our inevitable nuclear winter.

Crown Brush SS035 – Medium Face Contour Brush
It has little contours so your fingers fit nicely in the handle! I don’t know why you’re contouring so long that you need an ergonomic brush, but it’s a nice touch. The bristles are soft and seem like they wont fall out.

Purchase or pass: I’d buy another brush from them if e.l.f didn’t have what I wanted.

Eyeko Black Magic Mascara
This stuff is infuriating.
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Yes, there is probably the advertised 2 mL in this container. I wont argue that. What I will argue is that 2mL is a useless amount of mascara, particularly when the package design requires you to mash the tube and coat the sides of it to get any on the wand. The amount of mascara I can get on the wand is usually the amount that comes out of my regular mascara when it’s time to trash it. I managed to get a little on my eyelashes. If this is water resistant, I’d hate to see their mascara that isn’t.

Purchase or pass: I’m so mad.

Juara Rice Facial Cleanser
It does a great job at removing my eye makeup. Unfortunately, it also smells so vividly of the sunscreen I used to wear in elementary school that I have trouble using it.

Purchase or pass: Pass. I’ll take the little bit of raccoon eye I get from CeraVe.

Steve Laurant Precision Tip Liner in Black
This goes on even smoother than last month’s EYEKO eyeliner. It’s also thinner, so I have the option to be a more casual goth princess when I wear it. I was pretty happy to get a full sized product, but I never want to receive a black felt tip liner again. When will I be free? I’ve started listening to Evanescence again. Please send help.

Purchase or pass: This is just black eyeliner. I have to wear a primer with it. I would never ever pay $24 for this.

 

I’ve, uh, got a referral code if this didn’t deter you.

What did you get this month? Am I just subconsciously rebelling against my bag’s wish for good vibes only, or were you also disappointed?

makeup, reviews

Lazy Lipstick: Hard Candy Metallic Mousse

I was very firmly against metallic lipstick for a while. I’m not sure what changed, but now I want all of the shiny things and glitter lipsticks. Is it because Kesha is back? Probably.

Also, fun fact, I originally typed “mouse” and it took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out how to fix the word.

Anyway. Metallic lipstick. I got curious and picked up Hard Candy’s Metallic Mousse in Queen of Hearts.

I included the side view because this lipstick comes in a giant metallic tin that makes it look HUGE. It’s not huge. You only need to apply a really thin coat, so I’m not as irritated as I was when I first opened it. I hate intentionally misleading packaging. These people know I can’t visualize a fluid ounce.

This is me at the beginning of the day.

And me at the end.

Thoughts:
This formula isn’t the greatest. It doesn’t streak or peel, but it’s sticky ALL DAY and comes off on my water bottle like no other.
A pro for the color is that it matches my natural lip color enough that when it inevitably disappears from the bottom half of my top lip, I don’t look like I’m walking around with just an outline of old lipstick.

Rating: 3/5.
I’m going to wear it until I run out, but I’m not getting any more colors or repurchasing.

I also think this may be a gateway lipstick for purple glitter lipstick territory. Send help.

book recommendations, comic recommendations, game recommendations, monthly review, music, podcast recommendations, reviews

July 2017

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I took my mom to DC and absolutely wore my Bitch Planet leggings to the White House. It’s the little things.

Books

Squirrel Girl by Ryan North, Erica Henderson, and Rico Renzi
I’m up to volume 5. Everything about Squirrel Girl is perfect. KICK BUTTS EAT NUTS.

The Kingdom of Gods by NK Jemisin
Usually trickster characters don’t do it for me, but I had so many Sieh feels. This is the last of the Inheritance trilogy, so start with The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms.

Podcasts

Wolf 359 is in its final season. Come for the comedic space life vignettes, stay for the huge government conspiracies. I’m sad to see it ending.

59. One To Another by The Allusionist
Helen Zaltzman interviews the man translating The Memory Palace stories into a Portuguese book. I also love The Memory Palace, but I don’t do anything productive with that love. Instead, sometimes I cry a little at work.

Episode 70: The Procedure by Criminal
CHURCHES MADE A NETWORK TO HELP WOMEN GET ABORTIONS WHEN ABORTION WAS ILLEGAL. Uh, spoiler?

265- The Pool and the Stream by 99% Invisible
Skateboarding history. Suburban pool history. Don’t listen to this on a sweaty train, you’ll get really jealous.

266- Repackaging the Pill by 99% Invisible
I need Roman Mars to give me the design history of everything remotely feminist.

Games

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Dream Daddy

I’ve been playing this one a little bit. You’re a dad that goes on dates with other dads. You’re nice to your daughter and make dad puns. There are cryptids and dogs!

Music

KESHA IS BACK.
I’m prepared to stockpile glitter the second she announces a tour.

The Long Winters
I’ve been listening to these guys on repeat, too. They have a sad song about astronauts.

game recommendations, reviews

I can’t stop playing that ridiculous Dream Daddy game

Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator was released on Steam last week. You play a single dad that has moved to a cul-de-sac that is inexplicably inhabited by exclusively single dads. You date them. You make dad jokes. I love it, and am going to tell you why. But first, I need to be a buzzkill.

I’m uncomfortable with the fact that this is a game played, at least in my twitter feed, by mostly women. I have the same issues with it as I do slash fiction being written by women. These things tend to be more fetishizing than normalizing and supportive. And in fandom, I think that slash is so popular due in part to a large heaping of internalized misogyny. There was a good essay I read on this that I cannot find to save my life, but I can’t mention loving this game on the internet without a casual reminder to treat all people like people and not weird caricatures of relationships.

Although, if we’re going to fetishize dads having healthy, supportive relationships with their children, I AM HERE FOR IT.

Secondly, I’m upset with the game creators for not making a Linux version and then ignoring inquiries about it. You can tell me Linux is too hard. It’s cool.

I got it to work in Steam through PlayOnLinux.

ANYWAY
1

You build your character (there are binder body types!) and have the option to wander the neighborhood with your daughter. If you’re feeling antisocial you end up meeting all your single dad neighbors at a barbecue. Your dating life is facilitated by Dadbook, obviously.

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And yes, there are some weird things going on with Youth Pastor Joseph.

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You help him fix the banner because you’re a nice dad. Or you don’t. He’s got a hidden achievement that may or may not be bugged and it is my current mission to live on his yacht with him. There is something weird going on in this man’s life.

Somehow all of the other characters have equally compelling story lines.

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But what they all have in common is the ultimate fantasy of a dad with a healthy, supportive relationship with his teen daughter.

9

Dial the fantasy back some, wow.

Can anyone else top me for judgement inducing Steam purchases? Or have I peaked?

 

 

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

20170725_194825Kangsi Pack is a 24K gold mask that does EVERYTHING. I guess. Just like the carbonated clay mask, I have no idea what this says or means. Is that a train conductor piggy?

The Amazon page says it both moisturizes your skin and sucks the oil out of your pores. I have a conceptual problem with that, but not enough to not put it on my face.

20170725_194755I expected rubbing literal gold on my face to look more luxurious, but here we are.
I also expected this to be a peel off mask.

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I was wrong. It’s clay. Clay masks aren’t my favorite. A lot of them irritate my face and I hate washing them off.

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Shout out to my vitamin c cream, not doing a damn thing for my undereye circles!

This one washed off without a problem! I think. It helps that it’s not black or green, and that I use a konjac sponge. Your mileage may vary.

Verdict:

Experience: 6/10. We need to have a little talk about the fragrance. Imagine what a diaper rash cream would smell like if Bath and Body Works made one. It’s kind of nice, but it’s kind of weird. And strong. I also sneezed a lot when I was using this, either because there’s some floral stuff going on, or because my nose itched from the clay and my septum ring. I dunno.
Post-mask skinfeel: 7/10. I don’t know what witchcraft this was, but my pores looked smaller. My skin wasn’t red like after a lot of clay masks. My skin did feel tight, which I think some people interpret as ~toning~. I interpret it as my skin being dry and moisturized that away.
Overall: 6.5/10. If we were rating just clay masks, this would probably be an 8.

UPDATE: I’m knocking it down to a 4.5 because it made my face break out. Rude.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

ipsy, makeup, skin care

July 2017 Ipsy Bag

I finally bought my Ipsy subscription! (And yes, I have a referral link.)

Ipsy is a subscription service that sends you a little makeup bag with a handful of samples and sometimes full sized products every month in exchange for $10. I had ten bucks and love getting mail, especially if there’s a chance that I’ll get something weird to put on my face. Sold.

What’s in my bag

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Trestique Mini Porcelain Concealer
Buildable coverage, downright adorable packaging (A STICK CAP THAT LOOKS LIKE A PENCIL), and truly pasty colored instead of yellow/orange. I’m pasty. Porcelain fits my ghost skin perfectly. I forgive them for the weird capitalization in their brand name.
Purchase or pass: Will consider purchasing after I blow through my weird yellow toned concealer.

EYEKO Skinny Liquid Eyeliner Travel Size in Black
This stuff is currently letting me live out my goth princess dreams. Wings for miles! I was hoping that since they advertise that it’s smudge and fade proof that I wouldn’t need a primer, but no. It’s a pen, but it goes on smooth.
Purchase or pass: I still have dreams of finding an eyeliner that doesn’t require primer, so I’m going to pass. If you don’t have my oil problem, I recommend.

Winky Lux Double Matte Whip in Angel Food


I hate this lipstick so much. I thought it was just the color at first, because I’m profoundly uncomfortable wearing lipstick that is lighter than my natural lip color, but no. The formula is also sticky as hell. All day. It does stay all day, but at what cost? The above picture is after twelve hours. Can you see me regretting my life choices?
Purchase or pass: I said I hate it. If you’re looking for a long wearing nude liquid matte, I like the NYX Lingerie line. It doesn’t make me feel like my lips are chewing gum.

Hanalei Lip Treatment in Rose
I’m happy that I got this. I enjoy using it. BUT it lasts about three hours and my lips are still flaky afterwards. Not impressed.
Purchase or pass:
Chapstick is better.

tarte cosmetics Amazonian clay waterproof bronzer
I don’t usually wear bronzer…so..it doesn’t make me look orange and it goes on my face? I dunno guys, it’s powder. It’s hard to mess up powder for me.
Purchase or pass: 
I would never pay $30 for this, but I’ll wear this until I use it all.

music, reviews

Are we going to talk about how Kesha’s “Woman” is what we really wanted from “Dirty Love”?

Kesha is back, guys.

Last week she dropped “Praying”, which is included below for That Whistle Note.

And then, before any of us had time to fully process what we experienced, she released “Woman”. We got a woman being powerful anthem and a woman power anthem in one month! 2017 is looking up.

Take some time to dance around your apartment and appreciate this song on it’s own.
Listen to it again knowing that she wrote it in response to Donald Trump.
Realize that Kesha is covered in sequins, partying in a bar, and she throws in another casual whistle note, just to prove she can.

Now, let’s go back to 2012/2013 when “Dirty Love” was made.


Kesha is also partying in a bar, streamers all around, singing about how she doesn’t need a man to buy her things. The difference here is that she has to accommodate the patriarchy a little bit and reassure everyone that she does want a man for The Sex. The video also takes place in a parallel universe where Iggy Pop doesn’t exist.

“Woman” is the revamped version of “Dirty Love”. She finally got to make her damn song. I’m so excited for the rest of this album.

book recommendations, comic recommendations, monthly review, podcast recommendations

June 2017

We’re late this month! I decided to be very patriotic and go to DC for July 4th. It was as busy as you’d expect.

Books

Hundred Thousand Kingdoms and The Broken Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin
I pulled out of my bad novel slump! This is the first two installments of a trilogy. The first one starts a little rough, but it was her first book. She figures it out.
Mixed race girl saves the world! (Kind of). Fantasy! Magic! Demons! Falling in love with maybe evil incarnate. Yeah, I’m here for it.

Enigma by Peter Milligan and Duncan Fegredo
I normally cannot deal with the 80s/90s dirty gritty edgy comics because I get really bored when people are irredeemably terrible and I’m supposed to want to read about them. This is my exception. It opens with this:
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Recommended for fans of S-Town.

Skim by Mariko Tamaki and Jillian Tamaki
I’m so happy that coming of age stories about angry goth girls exist now.

Podcasts

Just Girls: The Hidden World of Patti Smith and Judy Linn by The Kitchen Sisters
Really, really listen-able despite the fact that I know almost nothing about Patti Smith.

05 Alessandra: Lips by Mortified
I put off listening to Mortified for a really long time because I cannot. do. secondhand. embarrassment. They somehow keep the secondhand embarrassment to a minimum despite being exclusively embarrassing stories. Girl just wants a boyfriend in this one.

06 Adam: Rhyme or Reason by Mortified
Poetry camp > English teachers.

33 Erin: My Dad Read My Diary! by Mortified
Her dad read her diary, so she gave him something worth reading.

36 Tyler & Janelle: Love, America Online Style by Mortified
Remember saving AIM conversations to read back later? Remember printing out AIM conversations with your crush and then collecting them in a binder to give to them, and then reading them on stage together years later?

41 Jackie: How Not To Be Grateful by Mortified
Extreme TMI scrapbooking.

45 Emma: The Girl Who Cried Y2K by Mortified
I now need a series that explores weird adult doomsday bunker men and their reactions to Y2K. I’m calling Emma if I ever need to survive nuclear war, she was on top of stuff.

58 Forbidden Crushes Part 3: My Secret Gay Crush by Mortified
I’m pretty sure I read this story in at least 8 Xangas growing up. Happy Pride!

Moon Graffiti by The Truth
Short audio fiction exploring what may have happened if Apollo 11 hadn’t made it back home.

Eat Cake by The Truth
A love story that worked for me despite being really creepy if it were real life! Weird.

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Tonymoly Egg Pore Nose Pack

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I bought this for two reasons: the packaging was cute and I LOVE peeling things. It’s egg themed! How cute! So much fun! I wonder what it does– Oh.
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It’s a Biore strip. It’s a Biore strip that’s not perforated to fit into your nose corners as well, which is the best place to pull things out of your pores. I am not a cute egg in this picture. I am a disappointed egg. The egg packaging is because the ingredients contains eggs. Sorry, vegans.

These are also double the price of Biore strips and don’t work any better for me than those, so I also feel sorry for me.

Verdict:

Experience: 5/10 for cute packaging and because it does at least peel. It’s not as sticky as I’d like. You’re missing the grossatisfying image of what I pulled out of my nose because this latest one got basically nothing.
Post-strip skinfeel: 5/10. Some of the glue sticks to your nose, making you wash your face a second time. My pores look and feel exactly the same as they did prior to the strip. It doesn’t smell bad, at least?

Overall: 5/10. It’s an expensive Biore strip.
You can buy one here if you don’t believe me: TONYMOLY Egg Pore Nose Pack Package Sheets, 7 ct.