ipsy, makeup, reviews, skin care

August 2017 Ipsy Bag

This is my second month of Ipsy. I’m already wondering what I’m going to do with all of these bags.

I don’t have the personality for this one. Grumpy or get out.

What’s in my bag

Here’s all of it on my face. At 6 am.

AURORA Pro Cover Up Concealer in Pale Ecru
Swatching this for you because the swatches on the website are waaaay off. I think they’re trying to show that it isn’t orange, but it is also not that terrible greige color.

Pros: Creamy! Decent coverage. Blends easily.
Cons: I rubbed that swatch after it dried and the whole thing peeled off my wrist. Not full coverage, even if you layer it on.

Purchase or pass: I’m on the fence. I also currently have enough concealer to outlast our inevitable nuclear winter.

Crown Brush SS035 – Medium Face Contour Brush
It has little contours so your fingers fit nicely in the handle! I don’t know why you’re contouring so long that you need an ergonomic brush, but it’s a nice touch. The bristles are soft and seem like they wont fall out.

Purchase or pass: I’d buy another brush from them if e.l.f didn’t have what I wanted.

Eyeko Black Magic Mascara
This stuff is infuriating.
Yes, there is probably the advertised 2 mL in this container. I wont argue that. What I will argue is that 2mL is a useless amount of mascara, particularly when the package design requires you to mash the tube and coat the sides of it to get any on the wand. The amount of mascara I can get on the wand is usually the amount that comes out of my regular mascara when it’s time to trash it. I managed to get a little on my eyelashes. If this is water resistant, I’d hate to see their mascara that isn’t.

Purchase or pass: I’m so mad.

Juara Rice Facial Cleanser
It does a great job at removing my eye makeup. Unfortunately, it also smells so vividly of the sunscreen I used to wear in elementary school that I have trouble using it.

Purchase or pass: Pass. I’ll take the little bit of raccoon eye I get from CeraVe.

Steve Laurant Precision Tip Liner in Black
This goes on even smoother than last month’s EYEKO eyeliner. It’s also thinner, so I have the option to be a more casual goth princess when I wear it. I was pretty happy to get a full sized product, but I never want to receive a black felt tip liner again. When will I be free? I’ve started listening to Evanescence again. Please send help.

Purchase or pass: This is just black eyeliner. I have to wear a primer with it. I would never ever pay $24 for this.


I’ve, uh, got a referral code if this didn’t deter you.

What did you get this month? Am I just subconsciously rebelling against my bag’s wish for good vibes only, or were you also disappointed?

makeup, reviews

Lazy Lipstick: Hard Candy Metallic Mousse

I was very firmly against metallic lipstick for a while. I’m not sure what changed, but now I want all of the shiny things and glitter lipsticks. Is it because Kesha is back? Probably.

Also, fun fact, I originally typed “mouse” and it took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out how to fix the word.

Anyway. Metallic lipstick. I got curious and picked up Hard Candy’s Metallic Mousse in Queen of Hearts.

I included the side view because this lipstick comes in a giant metallic tin that makes it look HUGE. It’s not huge. You only need to apply a really thin coat, so I’m not as irritated as I was when I first opened it. I hate intentionally misleading packaging. These people know I can’t visualize a fluid ounce.

This is me at the beginning of the day.

And me at the end.

This formula isn’t the greatest. It doesn’t streak or peel, but it’s sticky ALL DAY and comes off on my water bottle like no other.
A pro for the color is that it matches my natural lip color enough that when it inevitably disappears from the bottom half of my top lip, I don’t look like I’m walking around with just an outline of old lipstick.

Rating: 3/5.
I’m going to wear it until I run out, but I’m not getting any more colors or repurchasing.

I also think this may be a gateway lipstick for purple glitter lipstick territory. Send help.

book recommendations, comic recommendations, game recommendations, monthly review, music, podcast recommendations, reviews

July 2017

received_10155272517805767 (1)
I took my mom to DC and absolutely wore my Bitch Planet leggings to the White House. It’s the little things.


Squirrel Girl by Ryan North, Erica Henderson, and Rico Renzi
I’m up to volume 5. Everything about Squirrel Girl is perfect. KICK BUTTS EAT NUTS.

The Kingdom of Gods by NK Jemisin
Usually trickster characters don’t do it for me, but I had so many Sieh feels. This is the last of the Inheritance trilogy, so start with The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms.


Wolf 359 is in its final season. Come for the comedic space life vignettes, stay for the huge government conspiracies. I’m sad to see it ending.

59. One To Another by The Allusionist
Helen Zaltzman interviews the man translating The Memory Palace stories into a Portuguese book. I also love The Memory Palace, but I don’t do anything productive with that love. Instead, sometimes I cry a little at work.

Episode 70: The Procedure by Criminal

265- The Pool and the Stream by 99% Invisible
Skateboarding history. Suburban pool history. Don’t listen to this on a sweaty train, you’ll get really jealous.

266- Repackaging the Pill by 99% Invisible
I need Roman Mars to give me the design history of everything remotely feminist.


Dream Daddy

I’ve been playing this one a little bit. You’re a dad that goes on dates with other dads. You’re nice to your daughter and make dad puns. There are cryptids and dogs!


I’m prepared to stockpile glitter the second she announces a tour.

The Long Winters
I’ve been listening to these guys on repeat, too. They have a sad song about astronauts.

game recommendations, reviews

I can’t stop playing that ridiculous Dream Daddy game

Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator was released on Steam last week. You play a single dad that has moved to a cul-de-sac that is inexplicably inhabited by exclusively single dads. You date them. You make dad jokes. I love it, and am going to tell you why. But first, I need to be a buzzkill.

I’m uncomfortable with the fact that this is a game played, at least in my twitter feed, by mostly women. I have the same issues with it as I do slash fiction being written by women. These things tend to be more fetishizing than normalizing and supportive. And in fandom, I think that slash is so popular due in part to a large heaping of internalized misogyny. There was a good essay I read on this that I cannot find to save my life, but I can’t mention loving this game on the internet without a casual reminder to treat all people like people and not weird caricatures of relationships.

Although, if we’re going to fetishize dads having healthy, supportive relationships with their children, I AM HERE FOR IT.

Secondly, I’m upset with the game creators for not making a Linux version and then ignoring inquiries about it. You can tell me Linux is too hard. It’s cool.

I got it to work in Steam through PlayOnLinux.


You build your character (there are binder body types!) and have the option to wander the neighborhood with your daughter. If you’re feeling antisocial you end up meeting all your single dad neighbors at a barbecue. Your dating life is facilitated by Dadbook, obviously.


And yes, there are some weird things going on with Youth Pastor Joseph.


You help him fix the banner because you’re a nice dad. Or you don’t. He’s got a hidden achievement that may or may not be bugged and it is my current mission to live on his yacht with him. There is something weird going on in this man’s life.

Somehow all of the other characters have equally compelling story lines.


But what they all have in common is the ultimate fantasy of a dad with a healthy, supportive relationship with his teen daughter.


Dial the fantasy back some, wow.

Can anyone else top me for judgement inducing Steam purchases? Or have I peaked?



reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

20170725_194825Kangsi Pack is a 24K gold mask that does EVERYTHING. I guess. Just like the carbonated clay mask, I have no idea what this says or means. Is that a train conductor piggy?

The Amazon page says it both moisturizes your skin and sucks the oil out of your pores. I have a conceptual problem with that, but not enough to not put it on my face.

20170725_194755I expected rubbing literal gold on my face to look more luxurious, but here we are.
I also expected this to be a peel off mask.

I was wrong. It’s clay. Clay masks aren’t my favorite. A lot of them irritate my face and I hate washing them off.

Shout out to my vitamin c cream, not doing a damn thing for my undereye circles!

This one washed off without a problem! I think. It helps that it’s not black or green, and that I use a konjac sponge. Your mileage may vary.


Experience: 6/10. We need to have a little talk about the fragrance. Imagine what a diaper rash cream would smell like if Bath and Body Works made one. It’s kind of nice, but it’s kind of weird. And strong. I also sneezed a lot when I was using this, either because there’s some floral stuff going on, or because my nose itched from the clay and my septum ring. I dunno.
Post-mask skinfeel: 7/10. I don’t know what witchcraft this was, but my pores looked smaller. My skin wasn’t red like after a lot of clay masks. My skin did feel tight, which I think some people interpret as ~toning~. I interpret it as my skin being dry and moisturized that away.
Overall: 6.5/10. If we were rating just clay masks, this would probably be an 8.

UPDATE: I’m knocking it down to a 4.5 because it made my face break out. Rude.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

music, reviews

Are we going to talk about how Kesha’s “Woman” is what we really wanted from “Dirty Love”?

Kesha is back, guys.

Last week she dropped “Praying”, which is included below for That Whistle Note.

And then, before any of us had time to fully process what we experienced, she released “Woman”. We got a woman being powerful anthem and a woman power anthem in one month! 2017 is looking up.

Take some time to dance around your apartment and appreciate this song on it’s own.
Listen to it again knowing that she wrote it in response to Donald Trump.
Realize that Kesha is covered in sequins, partying in a bar, and she throws in another casual whistle note, just to prove she can.

Now, let’s go back to 2012/2013 when “Dirty Love” was made.

Kesha is also partying in a bar, streamers all around, singing about how she doesn’t need a man to buy her things. The difference here is that she has to accommodate the patriarchy a little bit and reassure everyone that she does want a man for The Sex. The video also takes place in a parallel universe where Iggy Pop doesn’t exist.

“Woman” is the revamped version of “Dirty Love”. She finally got to make her damn song. I’m so excited for the rest of this album.

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Tonymoly Egg Pore Nose Pack


I bought this for two reasons: the packaging was cute and I LOVE peeling things. It’s egg themed! How cute! So much fun! I wonder what it does– Oh.

It’s a Biore strip. It’s a Biore strip that’s not perforated to fit into your nose corners as well, which is the best place to pull things out of your pores. I am not a cute egg in this picture. I am a disappointed egg. The egg packaging is because the ingredients contains eggs. Sorry, vegans.

These are also double the price of Biore strips and don’t work any better for me than those, so I also feel sorry for me.


Experience: 5/10 for cute packaging and because it does at least peel. It’s not as sticky as I’d like. You’re missing the grossatisfying image of what I pulled out of my nose because this latest one got basically nothing.
Post-strip skinfeel: 5/10. Some of the glue sticks to your nose, making you wash your face a second time. My pores look and feel exactly the same as they did prior to the strip. It doesn’t smell bad, at least?

Overall: 5/10. It’s an expensive Biore strip.
You can buy one here if you don’t believe me: TONYMOLY Egg Pore Nose Pack Package Sheets, 7 ct.

makeup, reviews

Lazy Lipstick: City Color Be Matte Red Reviews

Why lazy lipstick? Because I’m going to put this on in the morning and then ignore my face for the rest of the day. Pictures are right after application and then about 12 hours later.

First up is a selection of City Color Cosmetic’s Be Matte dark reds. I got a five pack for ~$8. I don’t think this pack is up for sale anymore, so the links go to less official resellers of the individual colors.

A note: These lipsticks are rounded and are nearly impossible to apply to my tiny lips from the tube. You’re going to want a lipstick brush (though those little angular eyeliner brushes will do the trick if you’re not ready to commit). I’ve been using this one for about six months: E.l.f. Retractable Lip Brush

Colors from top to bottom are: Samy (M22), Lola (M20), Lana (M23), Brianda (M24), Francesca (M21). I can’t tell much of a difference between most of the colors, either, it’s not your monitor.

And now the wear tests! I wear chapstick under my lipstick because matte lipsticks tend to dry your lips out. These aren’t the worst about it, but it’s still noticeable. Your lipstick will look nicer for longer if you have magical moist lips. I have regular mortal lips.

Samy Before (Top) & After (Bottom)

I was extra impressed with this one because I went to an ice cream event this day and ate 10 cups more of ice cream than on any of these wear tests. I didn’t wear chapstick this day. Magic. I hope you don’t like this color, because I can’t find a link to it for you.

Lola Before & After

(3 Pack) CITY COLOR Be Matte Lipstick – Lola
Lana Before & After

CITY COLOR Be Matte Lipstick Lana
Brianda Before & After

CITY COLOR Be Matte Lipstick Brianda
Francesca Before & After

I don’t wear this color often, because it doesn’t apply evenly no matter what black magic ritual I perform. You might have better luck if your lips are naturally not a ghost color like mine.
CITY COLOR Be Matte Lipstick Francesca

This lipstick is a great, cheap option as an introduction to matte lipstick. I picked it up to figure out what kind of reds I should wear..and have since decided to just keep wearing whatever I want regardless of my undertones.

It’s somewhat drying, but doesn’t flake off or feel disgusting like some other matte lipsticks I’ve worn. You’re a little aware of something being on your lips, but don’t feel like a clown.

It doesn’t quite last all day. If you touch up your lipstick after lunch you will be way cuter than me at the end of the day. These lipsticks are pretty pigmented for the price and don’t feather. They do transfer onto cups.

Solid 4/5. 

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask

I just added “what is a milky piggy” to my Google search history. I didn’t get an answer.

Carbonated bubble clay I understand, though. That’s what is on my face in this post.

What’s in it exactly? Who knows? I don’t read Korean. I spackled (with a tiny included spatula!) some clay onto my face in a thin layer and waited (~5 minutes) until I didn’t feel many bubbles anymore. Are those the official instructions? I also don’t know, but it seems to be what the rest of the internet does with this.

It starts out moderately normal.
But then it’s fizzing and your nose itches and you can’t make faces because that pops the bubbles and oh wow that feels really weird.

Then you wash it off and unearth your angel skin.
I’m not kidding. I’ve been using this a few times a month since December and it’s my favorite mask. It smells good, it makes my skin super smooth and soft, and it makes my pores look smaller. WITCHCRAFT.


Experience: 10/10. It’s a casual form of torture because you can’t scratch your nose, but I think that’s some of the appeal. Skincare masochism.
Post-mask skinfeel: 10/10. Clay masks aren’t supposed to be moisturizing. They’re also not supposed to make you look like you have face rabies, so.
Overall: 10/10. I love it so much.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Dermal Korea Wine Collagen Essence Sheet Mask

I know that sheet masks are only a little weird, but the wine part is what scared me with this one. It’s been under a stack of fruity masks for ages as I worked up the courage to face whatever smell lived within.

And it was fine. Nice, even. It smelled like grape bubblegum. Is that what wine is like when you spend more than $5 for a bottle?
This is not the face of someone who knows.


Experience: 8/10. It covers my face. It stays put. It smells nice. I can chill and play Xbox with it on for 20 minutes.
Post-mask skinfeel: 9/10. It moisturizes well, and each mask is so saturated that I can use the extra as body lotion. -1 for making me shiny in a not cute way.
Validity of Claims: 6/10. Let’s look at this label.
Your skin is not absorbing the collagen from the mask and integrating it into your own body’s collagen. There is evidence that Vitamin E has negative effects on skin appearance. And honestly, the wine wasn’t worth searching because 1)skin exists to keep things out of your body, so I’m skeptical about it sucking up any sort of nutrients and 2)as a society we desperately want wine to be good for us because then it’s not alcoholism, and I’m not that kind of an enabler.
Overall: 7/10. I’ve used probably 10 of these in different “flavors” and they’re all pretty enjoyable. It’s just hyped up moisturizer, but it’s nice hyped up moisturizer.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Dermal Korea Collagen Essence Full Face Facial Mask Sheet, 16 Combo Pack