The Chok Chok Green Tea Watery Mask Sheet by Tonymoly

This sheet mask makes me bummed that I’m quitting sheet masks.

A spoiler, I guess. Sometimes I have to put nice things on my face, okay? I can’t just squirt lemon juice and baking soda all over my skin and then go sit in the sun every day.
(Don’t do that. Get off Pinterest. Your skin thanks you.)

My friend in South Korea sent me that good Tonymoly shit! And it’s good. So good that I’m letting the weird little blurb about tea being cultivated throughout four seasons slide (kind of). Tea plants don’t like winter.

I, too, thought that I would tone down the science snark when I left my research job. It turns out that it just means that I have more energy at home to look into random plant biology.

I, uh, still don’t read Korean. Who knows what claims they’re making on the packaging. Let’s rip this bad boy open.

It smells so good. I want my entire skincare routine to smell like this product. The scent is all of the nice parts of green tea without the bitterness. Maybe a little lemon, too. I want to cover my body in it.

The mask material is solid. It’s one of the thick ones that feel like cloth. Maybe it is? It’s not one of the ones that are super flimsy and dry immediately. You can hang out with this one for a while.

My face felt moisturized after using this mask, but wasn’t greasy or sticky. I’m into it. My friend is an angel and sent me multiples, so I can confirm that nothing bad happens with repeated use. It’s straight up nice.

I’m also quitting sheet masks. They create more waste than I’m comfortable with. I don’t need a foil packet and a cloth/paper face cover for half an hour of use. I don’t believe that they’re any more effective than a traditional mask or lotion, so I’ll be switching over to those.

I was hoping that I could just transfer my love of this product over to the rest of Tonymoly’s green tea line, but after a quick glance it looks like everything contains microplastics. Boo.

I’ll be scouring the internet for a green tea mask that smells similarly. Do you have any suggestions?

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Meg Cosmetics Good Night PM Mask

Ipsy sent me this sheet mask in March. I used to think that you couldn’t mess up a sheet mask, but they’ve proven me wrong in the past. Let’s take a look at the claims and packaging first.

There is 27 mL of serum in this mask. I’m not sure if that’s comparatively a lot because that’s not a number I’ve paid attention to in the past, but this mask is JUICY. Like be careful opening it, juicy. I nearly shot some in my eye.

The ingredients

• Eco-friendly lyocell sheet certified by OEKO-TEX
  I did some googling, and as best as I can tell, this certification just means that there weren’t crazy chemicals used in the production process. I was hoping for the sheet to be extra biodegradable or to use less water in the production process, but nah. It’s just a regular woodpulp fabric. I assumed that they’re Standard 100 certified instead of Made In Green. The Made In Green certification is supposed to give me a tracking code with my product that lets me look into the production process. There isn’t one. I’d be into that.
• Camellia sinesis leaf water
  It’s tea. It’s just tea. Can you imagine being this pretentious?

The other ingredients are pretty normal: some botanical extracts, some typical skin stuff. I did learn that people use arginine for erectile dysfunction. So that’s now in my brain forever.

• Glucose
  This is normal for skincare, I’m just mad there’s not more of it in the mask because I got some in my mouth. It tastes AWFUL.

How did I get it in my mouth, you ask? This is the worst fitting mask I have ever used.

Just LOOK at how tiny the mouth hole is. It’s really hard to not accidentally eat some of the serum.

As far as the serum formulation, it was a pretty okay mask. I would have preferred that it didn’t smell like lavender, but my skin felt hydrated after I used it. The packaging and actual sheet are just awful, though.

I’m also really cranky that they want to tout an eco-friendly process when there’s an entire extra plastic sheet in there.

I’ll just throw that directly into the ocean.

We can do better than this.

Beyond Intensive Ampoule Hyaluronic Acid

It’s time for another sheet mask from my friend in South Korea! And in her defense, she warned me about this one. She told me it was too much and doesn’t absorb well for her, so it might not for me. Did I listen? Nope. I don’t have anywhere to go tonight. I can be a slug.

I couldn’t find this sheet mask anywhere. I think it might be marketed differently depending on where it is sold. Beauty Box Korea has it minus the word “eco”, but they left the typo in “friendly”.

I particularly love that the mask is made to fit skin and is skin friendly. Bare minimum requirements, there.

The instructions tell you to remove a liner that doesn’t exist, and also point out that this mask is made by LG. You know, like the phones.

What you’re really here for are the unflattering pictures of me wearing it, though. I know.

 

The mask itself is thin and super saturated. Both of those things are pluses for me. It’s large, but the thin fabric easily wrinkles to form to your face. It didn’t slide around for me. It did smell heavily perfumed, which wasn’t the most fun, but I got used to it.

And now that sweet, sweet k-glow.

I mean, almost. Mostly I’m sticky. I’m sticky an hour later with my moisturizer on over it. I’ll still be a little tacky in the morning.

It was fun, but not something that I’m going to buy.

Manefit Beauty Planner Mugwort and Lily Sheet Masks

These masks from my September ipsy bag are somehow my bad!weirdest yet. I do sheet masks regularly. I like them. I think each of these lasted a grand total of five minutes on my face.

I swear I bought ipsy because I thought I would enjoy it and that the products would be good. I was wrong. I was so wrong.

Let’s do this.

Beauty Planner Mask – Mugwort, Astringent + Pore Care
I don’t understand how sitting with an astringent on your face is a nice, relaxing skin care thing to do, but I was willing to try it. Guess what’s an astringent? Alcohol.

Do you know what burns? Putting fucking alcohol on your face. Granted, the mask is thin. I think ideally the alcohol evaporates and leaves you with all of the moisturizers they cut it with. Unfortunately, after I talked myself down from worrying about sitting with fucking alcohol on my face for 20 minutes, I googled mugwort.

I’m not a “chemicals are scary!” person. Let’s ignore how bad mugwort essential oil can be. Most essential oils will eat your skin. Scroll down to the allergen part.

Mugwort pollen (and no, this does not contain the pollen, I know) is the main culprit of hay fever. I managed to convince myself my nose was getting stuffy and had to tap out.

Maybe not the most rational reason to quit, but it also burned. So there was that.

Beauty Planner Mask – Lily, Whitening + Brightening
First off: I would never spend my money on anything that says it’s “whitening”. There is a lot of gross colorism in the skin care world that I want no part of. “Brightening” is acceptable, but still a little uncomfortable because of its association with “whitening”. I give it a pass if it’s in undereye cream, but nothing else.

Secondly: The essence in this mask is milky, of course your skin is going to look whiter after it dries on you.I don’t have a fun pasty picture of myself after this one. Sorry. I had to immediately wash if off because spoiler, it also burned my face! It still hurts twenty minutes later. Look at how much fun we’re having!

I’m not sure what in this mask irritated my skin. The cleanser that I use twice a day has niacinamide in it, so that’s out. It could be one of the many random essential oils, the fragrance (smells like Dove soap!) or maybe they just trashed the pH? We’ll never know because I’m throwing these masks away and never thinking about them again.

I’m not bothering with the cutesy rating, guys. They’re trash. These masks are trash.

My face still hurts.

September 2017 Ipsy Bag

I’ve broken free of the black eyeliner and concealer hell!

I should have, because I complained to a few people and took black eyeliner and concealer off my ipsy quiz.

What’s in my bag

LUXIE ROSE GOLD MEDIUM ANGLED SHADING EYE BRUSH 207 by Luxie Beauty
It’s inexplicably capslocked on the website, that is not me yelling at you. I also don’t wear eyeshadow. There is not an eyeshadow or primer on this earth that will stay on my eyelids.
Purchase or pass: I’ve had it for an hour and I’ve already given it away.

Beauty Blush Duo in Peach Honey by Pixi by Petra
I swatched it for you! Both colors. Promise.

It’s fucking highlighter.
Purchase or pass: I don’t understand how you make a blush that does not show up on my ghost skin.

PHOTO FINISH RADIANCE PRIMER by Smashbox Cosmetics
Also inexplicably capslocked because RADIANCE okay. Not that you can tell, but it is also swatched in that picture of my wrist. Have you ever wanted to use highlighter as primer? Because you can. Or you could pay $30 for the full version of this and pretend you’re wearing primer.
Purchase or pass: I don’t understand.

Beauty Planner Mask – Mugwort, Astringent + Pore Care and Beauty Planner Mask – Lily, Whitening + Brightening by Manefit
Two masks! I love masks! I would not have picked these specific masks, but ipsy has beaten me down so much the past three months that I am THRILLED. Stay tuned for this month’s “Weird Stuff on my Face” because I don’t know what mugwort is and a whitening mask might actually erase me.
Purchase or pass: Astringents aren’t typically great for your skin and the colorism of whitening products bothers me, so I’m going to pass. Maybe they’re great, though! Still excited to try them.
EDIT: These were the least relaxing masks I’ve ever used.

Organic Infused Gel Effect Nail Lacquer in Deception by Adesse New York
It’s so watery and nowhere near opaque. What did I do to hurt you, ipsy? I painted one coat on half of my toenails and gave up.
Purchase or pass: *weeps*

Do you know what’s not in my bag? This red matte lipstick. What beasts must I slay to have ipsy enable my red matte lipstick fixation?

I could email and complain and have them send me the lipstick, but I honestly can’t handle the disappointment.

I’ve preemptively removed highlighter from my preferences.