ipsy, reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Manefit Beauty Planner Mugwort and Lily Sheet Masks

These masks from my September ipsy bag are somehow my bad!weirdest yet. I do sheet masks regularly. I like them. I think each of these lasted a grand total of five minutes on my face.

I swear I bought ipsy because I thought I would enjoy it and that the products would be good. I was wrong. I was so wrong.

Let’s do this.

Beauty Planner Mask – Mugwort, Astringent + Pore Care
I don’t understand how sitting with an astringent on your face is a nice, relaxing skin care thing to do, but I was willing to try it. Guess what’s an astringent? Alcohol.


Do you know what burns? Putting fucking alcohol on your face. Granted, the mask is thin. I think ideally the alcohol evaporates and leaves you with all of the moisturizers they cut it with. Unfortunately, after I talked myself down from worrying about sitting with fucking alcohol on my face for 20 minutes, I googled mugwort.

I’m not a “chemicals are scary!” person. Let’s ignore how bad mugwort essential oil can be. Most essential oils will eat your skin. Scroll down to the allergen part.

Mugwort pollen (and no, this does not contain the pollen, I know) is the main culprit of hay fever. I managed to convince myself my nose was getting stuffy and had to tap out.

Maybe not the most rational reason to quit, but it also burned. So there was that.

Beauty Planner Mask – Lily, Whitening + Brightening
First off: I would never spend my money on anything that says it’s “whitening”. There is a lot of gross colorism in the skin care world that I want no part of. “Brightening” is acceptable, but still a little uncomfortable because of its association with “whitening”. I give it a pass if it’s in undereye cream, but nothing else.

Secondly: The essence in this mask is milky, of course your skin is going to look whiter after it dries on you.20170915_204115I don’t have a fun pasty picture of myself after this one. Sorry. I had to immediately wash if off because spoiler, it also burned my face! It still hurts twenty minutes later. Look at how much fun we’re having!


I’m not sure what in this mask irritated my skin. The cleanser that I use twice a day has niacinamide in it, so that’s out. It could be one of the many random essential oils, the fragrance (smells like Dove soap!) or maybe they just trashed the pH? We’ll never know because I’m throwing these masks away and never thinking about them again.

I’m not bothering with the cutesy rating, guys. They’re trash. These masks are trash.

My face still hurts.

ipsy, makeup, reviews, skin care

September 2017 Ipsy Bag

I’ve broken free of the black eyeliner and concealer hell!

I should have, because I complained to a few people and took black eyeliner and concealer off my ipsy quiz.

What’s in my bag

It’s inexplicably capslocked on the website, that is not me yelling at you. I also don’t wear eyeshadow. There is not an eyeshadow or primer on this earth that will stay on my eyelids.
Purchase or pass: I’ve had it for an hour and I’ve already given it away.

Beauty Blush Duo in Peach Honey by Pixi by Petra
I swatched it for you! Both colors. Promise.

It’s fucking highlighter.
Purchase or pass: I don’t understand how you make a blush that does not show up on my ghost skin.

Also inexplicably capslocked because RADIANCE okay. Not that you can tell, but it is also swatched in that picture of my wrist. Have you ever wanted to use highlighter as primer? Because you can. Or you could pay $30 for the full version of this and pretend you’re wearing primer.
Purchase or pass: I don’t understand.

Beauty Planner Mask – Mugwort, Astringent + Pore Care and Beauty Planner Mask – Lily, Whitening + Brightening by Manefit
Two masks! I love masks! I would not have picked these specific masks, but ipsy has beaten me down so much the past three months that I am THRILLED. Stay tuned for this month’s “Weird Stuff on my Face” because I don’t know what mugwort is and a whitening mask might actually erase me.
Purchase or pass: Astringents aren’t typically great for your skin and the colorism of whitening products bothers me, so I’m going to pass. Maybe they’re great, though! Still excited to try them.
EDIT: These were the least relaxing masks I’ve ever used.

Organic Infused Gel Effect Nail Lacquer in Deception by Adesse New York
It’s so watery and nowhere near opaque. What did I do to hurt you, ipsy? I painted one coat on half of my toenails and gave up.
Purchase or pass: *weeps*

Do you know what’s not in my bag? This red matte lipstick. What beasts must I slay to have ipsy enable my red matte lipstick fixation?

I could email and complain and have them send me the lipstick, but I honestly can’t handle the disappointment.

I’ve preemptively removed highlighter from my preferences.

There’s a referral code if you love everything that I hate.

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Toullgo Peeling Black Mask

I was a little wary of trying a new weird thing this month after last month’s caused a break out. Just a little. Clearly I was not wary enough to just not purchase a random thing from Amazon and smear it all over my face.

I got a black suction mask instead of easing myself back into things. Videos of people pulling suction masks off of their faces and crying have been making the Facebook rounds. Unfortunately (?) for you, this mask was normal and this post contains no crying.

Except from maybe the sebaceous filaments or blackheads in your face. LOOK AT IT BEING REMOVED.

The use manual very helpfully explains how this is going to go down.20170819_143134

I’ve seen the phrase “horny skin” show up a few times in translated skin care. I’m still afraid to google it to figure out the intended meaning. Whatever it is, we’re about to fix it.


This is by far the thickest peelie mask I’ve used. It’s great, because it forces you to apply a thick layer that’s easier to peel. It’s also a little unsettling, because what if it is secretly paint and wont come off? A 30 minute dry really gives you the time to think about these things.

After 30 minutes, I peeled it off. Easy. No crying, no sweating, and essentially no more baby hairs in my face.

This is the part of the post where I confess a terrible thing, though. I have no gross and satisfying image of what I pulled out of my face for you. It’s my fault. I think I’ve finally upped my skin care game enough that my pores are too small for this to work. I tried it again a few days later after a long, hot shower. Nothing. Not even the baby hairs and dry skin that this one pulled off the first time. I’m reassured that my hair doesn’t grow back that quickly, at least.


Experience: 7/10. Goes on thick and needs minimal face washing to remove the extra. Drying takes foreverrrrr though.
Post-mask skinfeel: 9/10. My skin felt really smooth! Probably because all of the hair got ripped out of my face. I’m fine with it.

Overall: 8/10. One of the better peeling masks I’ve tried. Bummer about my skin care routine working.
You can get your own on Amazon here: Peeling Black Mask.

ipsy, makeup, reviews, skin care

August 2017 Ipsy Bag

This is my second month of Ipsy. I’m already wondering what I’m going to do with all of these bags.

I don’t have the personality for this one. Grumpy or get out.

What’s in my bag

Here’s all of it on my face. At 6 am.

AURORA Pro Cover Up Concealer in Pale Ecru
Swatching this for you because the swatches on the website are waaaay off. I think they’re trying to show that it isn’t orange, but it is also not that terrible greige color.

Pros: Creamy! Decent coverage. Blends easily.
Cons: I rubbed that swatch after it dried and the whole thing peeled off my wrist. Not full coverage, even if you layer it on.

Purchase or pass: I’m on the fence. I also currently have enough concealer to outlast our inevitable nuclear winter.

Crown Brush SS035 – Medium Face Contour Brush
It has little contours so your fingers fit nicely in the handle! I don’t know why you’re contouring so long that you need an ergonomic brush, but it’s a nice touch. The bristles are soft and seem like they wont fall out.

Purchase or pass: I’d buy another brush from them if e.l.f didn’t have what I wanted.

Eyeko Black Magic Mascara
This stuff is infuriating.
Yes, there is probably the advertised 2 mL in this container. I wont argue that. What I will argue is that 2mL is a useless amount of mascara, particularly when the package design requires you to mash the tube and coat the sides of it to get any on the wand. The amount of mascara I can get on the wand is usually the amount that comes out of my regular mascara when it’s time to trash it. I managed to get a little on my eyelashes. If this is water resistant, I’d hate to see their mascara that isn’t.

Purchase or pass: I’m so mad.

Juara Rice Facial Cleanser
It does a great job at removing my eye makeup. Unfortunately, it also smells so vividly of the sunscreen I used to wear in elementary school that I have trouble using it.

Purchase or pass: Pass. I’ll take the little bit of raccoon eye I get from CeraVe.

Steve Laurant Precision Tip Liner in Black
This goes on even smoother than last month’s EYEKO eyeliner. It’s also thinner, so I have the option to be a more casual goth princess when I wear it. I was pretty happy to get a full sized product, but I never want to receive a black felt tip liner again. When will I be free? I’ve started listening to Evanescence again. Please send help.

Purchase or pass: This is just black eyeliner. I have to wear a primer with it. I would never ever pay $24 for this.


I’ve, uh, got a referral code if this didn’t deter you.

What did you get this month? Am I just subconsciously rebelling against my bag’s wish for good vibes only, or were you also disappointed?

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

20170725_194825Kangsi Pack is a 24K gold mask that does EVERYTHING. I guess. Just like the carbonated clay mask, I have no idea what this says or means. Is that a train conductor piggy?

The Amazon page says it both moisturizes your skin and sucks the oil out of your pores. I have a conceptual problem with that, but not enough to not put it on my face.

20170725_194755I expected rubbing literal gold on my face to look more luxurious, but here we are.
I also expected this to be a peel off mask.

I was wrong. It’s clay. Clay masks aren’t my favorite. A lot of them irritate my face and I hate washing them off.

Shout out to my vitamin c cream, not doing a damn thing for my undereye circles!

This one washed off without a problem! I think. It helps that it’s not black or green, and that I use a konjac sponge. Your mileage may vary.


Experience: 6/10. We need to have a little talk about the fragrance. Imagine what a diaper rash cream would smell like if Bath and Body Works made one. It’s kind of nice, but it’s kind of weird. And strong. I also sneezed a lot when I was using this, either because there’s some floral stuff going on, or because my nose itched from the clay and my septum ring. I dunno.
Post-mask skinfeel: 7/10. I don’t know what witchcraft this was, but my pores looked smaller. My skin wasn’t red like after a lot of clay masks. My skin did feel tight, which I think some people interpret as ~toning~. I interpret it as my skin being dry and moisturized that away.
Overall: 6.5/10. If we were rating just clay masks, this would probably be an 8.

UPDATE: I’m knocking it down to a 4.5 because it made my face break out. Rude.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask

I just added “what is a milky piggy” to my Google search history. I didn’t get an answer.

Carbonated bubble clay I understand, though. That’s what is on my face in this post.

What’s in it exactly? Who knows? I don’t read Korean. I spackled (with a tiny included spatula!) some clay onto my face in a thin layer and waited (~5 minutes) until I didn’t feel many bubbles anymore. Are those the official instructions? I also don’t know, but it seems to be what the rest of the internet does with this.

It starts out moderately normal.
But then it’s fizzing and your nose itches and you can’t make faces because that pops the bubbles and oh wow that feels really weird.

Then you wash it off and unearth your angel skin.
I’m not kidding. I’ve been using this a few times a month since December and it’s my favorite mask. It smells good, it makes my skin super smooth and soft, and it makes my pores look smaller. WITCHCRAFT.


Experience: 10/10. It’s a casual form of torture because you can’t scratch your nose, but I think that’s some of the appeal. Skincare masochism.
Post-mask skinfeel: 10/10. Clay masks aren’t supposed to be moisturizing. They’re also not supposed to make you look like you have face rabies, so.
Overall: 10/10. I love it so much.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Dermal Korea Wine Collagen Essence Sheet Mask

I know that sheet masks are only a little weird, but the wine part is what scared me with this one. It’s been under a stack of fruity masks for ages as I worked up the courage to face whatever smell lived within.

And it was fine. Nice, even. It smelled like grape bubblegum. Is that what wine is like when you spend more than $5 for a bottle?
This is not the face of someone who knows.


Experience: 8/10. It covers my face. It stays put. It smells nice. I can chill and play Xbox with it on for 20 minutes.
Post-mask skinfeel: 9/10. It moisturizes well, and each mask is so saturated that I can use the extra as body lotion. -1 for making me shiny in a not cute way.
Validity of Claims: 6/10. Let’s look at this label.
Your skin is not absorbing the collagen from the mask and integrating it into your own body’s collagen. There is evidence that Vitamin E has negative effects on skin appearance. And honestly, the wine wasn’t worth searching because 1)skin exists to keep things out of your body, so I’m skeptical about it sucking up any sort of nutrients and 2)as a society we desperately want wine to be good for us because then it’s not alcoholism, and I’m not that kind of an enabler.
Overall: 7/10. I’ve used probably 10 of these in different “flavors” and they’re all pretty enjoyable. It’s just hyped up moisturizer, but it’s nice hyped up moisturizer.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Dermal Korea Collagen Essence Full Face Facial Mask Sheet, 16 Combo Pack