ipsy, makeup, reviews, skin care

August 2017 Ipsy Bag

This is my second month of Ipsy. I’m already wondering what I’m going to do with all of these bags.

I don’t have the personality for this one. Grumpy or get out.

What’s in my bag

Here’s all of it on my face. At 6 am.

AURORA Pro Cover Up Concealer in Pale Ecru
Swatching this for you because the swatches on the website are waaaay off. I think they’re trying to show that it isn’t orange, but it is also not that terrible greige color.

Pros: Creamy! Decent coverage. Blends easily.
Cons: I rubbed that swatch after it dried and the whole thing peeled off my wrist. Not full coverage, even if you layer it on.

Purchase or pass: I’m on the fence. I also currently have enough concealer to outlast our inevitable nuclear winter.

Crown Brush SS035 – Medium Face Contour Brush
It has little contours so your fingers fit nicely in the handle! I don’t know why you’re contouring so long that you need an ergonomic brush, but it’s a nice touch. The bristles are soft and seem like they wont fall out.

Purchase or pass: I’d buy another brush from them if e.l.f didn’t have what I wanted.

Eyeko Black Magic Mascara
This stuff is infuriating.
Yes, there is probably the advertised 2 mL in this container. I wont argue that. What I will argue is that 2mL is a useless amount of mascara, particularly when the package design requires you to mash the tube and coat the sides of it to get any on the wand. The amount of mascara I can get on the wand is usually the amount that comes out of my regular mascara when it’s time to trash it. I managed to get a little on my eyelashes. If this is water resistant, I’d hate to see their mascara that isn’t.

Purchase or pass: I’m so mad.

Juara Rice Facial Cleanser
It does a great job at removing my eye makeup. Unfortunately, it also smells so vividly of the sunscreen I used to wear in elementary school that I have trouble using it.

Purchase or pass: Pass. I’ll take the little bit of raccoon eye I get from CeraVe.

Steve Laurant Precision Tip Liner in Black
This goes on even smoother than last month’s EYEKO eyeliner. It’s also thinner, so I have the option to be a more casual goth princess when I wear it. I was pretty happy to get a full sized product, but I never want to receive a black felt tip liner again. When will I be free? I’ve started listening to Evanescence again. Please send help.

Purchase or pass: This is just black eyeliner. I have to wear a primer with it. I would never ever pay $24 for this.


I’ve, uh, got a referral code if this didn’t deter you.

What did you get this month? Am I just subconsciously rebelling against my bag’s wish for good vibes only, or were you also disappointed?

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

20170725_194825Kangsi Pack is a 24K gold mask that does EVERYTHING. I guess. Just like the carbonated clay mask, I have no idea what this says or means. Is that a train conductor piggy?

The Amazon page says it both moisturizes your skin and sucks the oil out of your pores. I have a conceptual problem with that, but not enough to not put it on my face.

20170725_194755I expected rubbing literal gold on my face to look more luxurious, but here we are.
I also expected this to be a peel off mask.

I was wrong. It’s clay. Clay masks aren’t my favorite. A lot of them irritate my face and I hate washing them off.

Shout out to my vitamin c cream, not doing a damn thing for my undereye circles!

This one washed off without a problem! I think. It helps that it’s not black or green, and that I use a konjac sponge. Your mileage may vary.


Experience: 6/10. We need to have a little talk about the fragrance. Imagine what a diaper rash cream would smell like if Bath and Body Works made one. It’s kind of nice, but it’s kind of weird. And strong. I also sneezed a lot when I was using this, either because there’s some floral stuff going on, or because my nose itched from the clay and my septum ring. I dunno.
Post-mask skinfeel: 7/10. I don’t know what witchcraft this was, but my pores looked smaller. My skin wasn’t red like after a lot of clay masks. My skin did feel tight, which I think some people interpret as ~toning~. I interpret it as my skin being dry and moisturized that away.
Overall: 6.5/10. If we were rating just clay masks, this would probably be an 8.

UPDATE: I’m knocking it down to a 4.5 because it made my face break out. Rude.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Kangsi Pack

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask

I just added “what is a milky piggy” to my Google search history. I didn’t get an answer.

Carbonated bubble clay I understand, though. That’s what is on my face in this post.

What’s in it exactly? Who knows? I don’t read Korean. I spackled (with a tiny included spatula!) some clay onto my face in a thin layer and waited (~5 minutes) until I didn’t feel many bubbles anymore. Are those the official instructions? I also don’t know, but it seems to be what the rest of the internet does with this.

It starts out moderately normal.
But then it’s fizzing and your nose itches and you can’t make faces because that pops the bubbles and oh wow that feels really weird.

Then you wash it off and unearth your angel skin.
I’m not kidding. I’ve been using this a few times a month since December and it’s my favorite mask. It smells good, it makes my skin super smooth and soft, and it makes my pores look smaller. WITCHCRAFT.


Experience: 10/10. It’s a casual form of torture because you can’t scratch your nose, but I think that’s some of the appeal. Skincare masochism.
Post-mask skinfeel: 10/10. Clay masks aren’t supposed to be moisturizing. They’re also not supposed to make you look like you have face rabies, so.
Overall: 10/10. I love it so much.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Elizavecca Milky Piggy Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Dermal Korea Wine Collagen Essence Sheet Mask

I know that sheet masks are only a little weird, but the wine part is what scared me with this one. It’s been under a stack of fruity masks for ages as I worked up the courage to face whatever smell lived within.

And it was fine. Nice, even. It smelled like grape bubblegum. Is that what wine is like when you spend more than $5 for a bottle?
This is not the face of someone who knows.


Experience: 8/10. It covers my face. It stays put. It smells nice. I can chill and play Xbox with it on for 20 minutes.
Post-mask skinfeel: 9/10. It moisturizes well, and each mask is so saturated that I can use the extra as body lotion. -1 for making me shiny in a not cute way.
Validity of Claims: 6/10. Let’s look at this label.
Your skin is not absorbing the collagen from the mask and integrating it into your own body’s collagen. There is evidence that Vitamin E has negative effects on skin appearance. And honestly, the wine wasn’t worth searching because 1)skin exists to keep things out of your body, so I’m skeptical about it sucking up any sort of nutrients and 2)as a society we desperately want wine to be good for us because then it’s not alcoholism, and I’m not that kind of an enabler.
Overall: 7/10. I’ve used probably 10 of these in different “flavors” and they’re all pretty enjoyable. It’s just hyped up moisturizer, but it’s nice hyped up moisturizer.

You can get your own from Amazon here: Dermal Korea Collagen Essence Full Face Facial Mask Sheet, 16 Combo Pack

reviews, skin care

Putting Weird Stuff on my Face: Jean Pierre Strawberry Collagen Modelling Pack

My quarter life crisis is manifesting as a compulsion to try the most outrageous skincare products the internet shows me. So, naturally, I grabbed this from T.J. Maxx yesterday.

I got it because it was a powder, and the instructions kept mentioning putting “the rubber” on your face. It confused me…so it must work.

This is a good time to mention that I have googled, rubber/modelling masks are, in fact, a thing. I can’t find this particular mask anywhere, though. It’s not on the Jean Pierre website. There’s another label floating around in Korean with Urban DollKiss as the company..so I guess you can buy it there?

Whatever, let’s use it. I ignored the instructions and the nice measuring cup and mixed up half the powder with enough water to make it a gloopy paste.


Did you ever cover your face in Gak as a kid? That’s exactly what this feels like. You can see some places where I spread it on pretty thin and it completely dried. Those places didn’t peel up.
We all make mistakes. I’m standing by splitting it in half, though. You’re going to have to wash your face a little at the end either way.


Peeling satisfaction: 0/10. It peels off in a million pieces and doesn’t rip out your sebaceous filaments and show them to you. That’s why we peel things, right?
Post-mask skinfeel (This is a term now): 5/10. I was soft, but still had visible dry patches.
Overall: 4/10. I didn’t notice any immediate benefits (like smaller pores or angelic choirs when I looked in the mirror). It seemed like a less effective, messier sheet mask. I bumped up the score for smelling good and not irritating my skin.